May 10, 2024
You come wishing to know Patrick in the light of the Akashic Records, for you are very ready to close the container of pain he has been for you and move on, but he does not wish to be known by you, nor does he wish to know you, for then he must own the being he is and the choices he has made. Addiction is a very hard path, whether one chooses it pre-incarnation or steps into it once on the Earth plane. He feels dirty and tainted in the light of your love for him. It does not feel like a gift, for he feels undeserving. Patrick does not experience life through the lens of want. He craves. He craves, but is never satisfied. He is (perhaps) choosing a sober lifestyle, but he has not yet found any inner healing for the wounds that led him to choose substance as the remedy. Patrick is the Magician and carries all Kings within him, has been all Kings in past lifetimes, so rarely has his relationship with power been balanced or healthy.
He has often been carousing and grabbing with his resources, with his charm, with his agency, at the cost of others, yet he generally carries a deep heart as well. Deep heart is not the same thing as conscience. It is simply capacity for vast feeling and empathy. Character is needed to carry deep heart, strong craving, wells of empathy, and compassion for the “lesser.” Talent, winsomeness, might, along with a mind so busy it is often racing describe your Patrick. Some of these are the true nature of his soul and origins, some are residual Earth wounds that follow him from lifetime to lifetime and grow. The backlog of all is felt as a heavy weight in this incarnation, and thus far he has not found a way to incorporate all he is in one human container. He will delve fully into one arena, distancing himself from all others, then he will shut that part down, moving on to another, as if that is a remedy for the imbalance and massive personality swings he experiences.
His mind is corrupted. As in clouded. There is fog and residual film left from the years of hard drug use. His body, mind, heart, and psyche have all been abused and carried the signature of abuse, whether he now enacts it toward himself or another. This is the signature that is currently replicating, currently reproducing within him in this lifetime. Patrick is not willing to actively abuse another, but what is within always makes its way out at some point. He was ready for the upgrade when you came on the scene, Dear One. He was magnetically drawn to you, recognized your signature, craved you insatiably as he does all things he wants, yet when the timeline jump came, you leapt to the new reality and he did not.
The plan was to go together. To heal, transform, upgrade in tandem with each other. The passion between you was not just physical, it was electric on every level of your being, therefore it was going to bring power to every area it touched. That power filled you up in the best way and brought enough centrifugal force to propel you to the next level. That same beautiful power overloaded his panel and multiple circuits broke, shutting down his energy grid instead of upgrading it. If you can step back from the romantic wounding – which is deep and wrenching and painful to your bones – and see him from the soul level, the story reads differently. Two soul mates who met at the predestined time they had chosen together because both were ready to transcend what had come before and reach the next version of themselves together. You do well to comfort Patrick, letting him know his purpose in your life was accomplished, for nothing in your contract includes you being part of his devolution, self loathing or guilt signature. The line you vibrate on is love and light. The charge is in the kilowatts. If Patrick can only handle love in watts…..you understand the point we are making.
As this murder of crows captures the attention just now causing us to pause, listen more deeply, scan the sky more thoroughly, then alight on what is taking place – one Broadwing Hawk in their tree and another roosting on the pole below – let it be allegory of the loudness in your pain with Patrick. Continual and cawing though it is, it points you to pause, to listen, to see, and in this presence you will find the truths hidden in the noise. The wound of rejection for being the love and light you are and offering it to your chosen one in full abandon is loudly painful. Constant, crowing, interrupting your peace, calling for your attention, which you have done well giving, but you are one who particularly loves harmony, so continual dissonance of sound is an unwelcome disruption. However, if you begin to see the purpose in the messaging, it becomes interesting instead of frustrating.
He continues to be in service to you, as you are to him. This bond is a fast track to growth path, but the way through or out of it is not a quick journey. It will close on its own when all lessons have been gleaned and not before. You need not be anxious about pathology on your end. You are attuned and in tune. It unfolds in layers, and this was the layer willing to be revealed today. We thank you for your time and diligent listening, and we now retreat from your awareness leaving you with more clearness in your field as some of the debris caused by your relating with Patrick is now dissolved to light. And so it is. Amen.